Successful Student Essay Conclusion

Topic: "What are important qualities of a good student. Use specific details and examples to explain why they are important."

*

When I was young I used to be taught to work hark to earn knowledge and get highest score to be a good student at school. Gradually, I found that a good student have to be not only a wide-knowledge bookworm but also an active person in community and a well-prepared worker for the future.

The first and foremost important quality of a good student is, of course, hard working. We can't have a good result in academic success without training and effort. Vladimir I. Lenin claimed that "learn, learn more, learn forever", that show us the importance of learning in our whole livetime regardless of the age. Knowledge is not inborn but experienced, not unchaged but keep-up-date, and not easy but hard to earn, and those who don't have willing enough to face challenges and those who don't have passion for working would not come to achieve their goals and succeed in their lives.

The next quality is active in community. A good student should be highly appriciated not only by his academic success but by his social activities as well. In other words, a good person should be measured not only by what is he doing well for himself but also by what is he contributing for community. In addition, an active student means a comminicative skillful person in life and thus he is widening the chances to make friends with everybody around him and this is obviously a good thing we always want to, so that his college-life should be more fun and his confidence increasingly grow up.

Last but not least quality of a good student is well-prepared for the future. All student is taught to have ambitious and to keep on high dream, yet he should know how to let dream meets reality, and he should be practical and realistic because life is not fair and every step to success takes time and patience. All student have to do right now from school is a good preparation for every step with a careful plan and always keep in mind that failure is one thing that he should have to face and overcome to gain experiences and to achieve goals.

In conclusion, a good student should have all qualities that mentioned above, and even more other quality to be a good and complete student. A hark working student tells us his passion; an active student tells us his social responsibilities; and a well-prepared student tells us his abilities. Every student should have all of these qualities to be a good student.

The first and foremost important quality of a good student is, of course, hard working.


^This is a lame way of introducing a point. Also, the sentence needs revision because it is wrong.

Knowledge is not inborn but experienced, not unchaged but keep-up-date, and not easy but hard to earn, and those who don't have willing enough to face challenges and those who don't have passion for working would not come to achieve their goals and succeed in their lives.


^Why are you going off topic and making general statements.

*I read your essay. Your grammar in many sections is very weak and therefore, your sentences are clumsily expressed. Also, I do not think that the 'I am going to list things by paragraph. So firstly, secondly, and last of all' is an effective way of writing essays these days.

Your essay needs to be worked on. Focus on grammar revision and your means of expressing yourself in your writing.

Can you tell us for what purpose you have written this essay. It's listed as an undergraduate admission essay, but I suspect you may have written it for another purpose. Audience and purpose matter. Please tell us who provided the prompt in response to which you wrote this essay.

Yeah, this sounds an awful lot like a TOEFL prompt. Also, bear in mind that grammatical mistakes are worse when they alter your meaning. So:

The next quality is active in community


This literally means that there is some quality, possibly dedication or honesty, lets say, that is active in the community. Whereas, you want to say that willingness to be active in the community is another key quality that successful students possess.

Thanks all of you for your kindly corrections, and I'll rewrite this topic later more careful. By your comments I realized three important things that I should be improved for a better essay:

- Having a good grammatical base
- Mastering a right style of English writing
- Possessing rich ideas so that I can immediately express whenever I have a topic to work out (Anything else?)

I know this kind of writing is a bit differ from TOEFL's. The technique that I have been using to write the essay is taught by the course titled "Writing Academic English" by Alice Oshima, published by Longman. Is the style of a TOEFL essay differ from an academic essay's?

P/S; There aree lots of grammatical mistakes that I should have to revise, includes:

When I was young I used to taught to → When I was little I was told to
In community → In the community
The first and foremost, the next, last but not least quality → Firstly, secondly, lastly
And so many others...

:)

Any grammatical mistakes here, dear EF-ers? Plz...

This bit:

Vladimir I. Lenin claimed that "learn, learn more, learn forever", this show us the importance of learning in our whole lifetime regardless of the age.

I think if you changed it to:

Vladimir I. Lenin's famous quote "learn, learn more, learn forever", shows us the importance of learning in our whole lifetime regardless of the age.

or just

Vladimir I. Lenin's quote "learn, learn more, learn forever", shows us the importance of learning in our whole lifetime regardless of the age.

Sounds much better in my opinion.

Thanks jgv115, your help is very meaningful to me. And any other words/sentences should be corrected in my essay?

I know this kind of writing is a bit differ from TOEFL's. The technique that I have been using to write the essay is taught by the course titled "Writing Academic English" by Alice Oshima, published by Longman. Is the style of a TOEFL essay differ from an academic essay's?


Yes. TOEFL use a much simpler structure, as they are really meant to test proficiency in English, not critical thinking ability.

You still haven't told us why you are writing this essay. That information is sort of important, as it determines what sort of feedback is appropriate. An essay that would be a model of perfection for a TOEFL essay, for instance, might well be too slight to be at all good for a GRE essay.

The reason why I am writing this essay is just that I wanna build up my ability to express immediately my opinion about a topic I have to do through the templates given. You know, templates are very useful for us to write an essay for fast and fluent, but I don't know how to use it in a creative and native way. What can I do for now?

The thing is, what you should do depends very heavily on the level of proficiency you are striving for. For a TOEFL essay, this isn't that bad. It just needs a few grammar tweaks. For an essay written for, say, Grade 12 English, your grammar needs a lot of tightening, and you would want to go into a bit more depth than you do here. For a GRE-level essay, you would need to start over, looking at the various categories of qualities that might exist, as well as making sure to define "student" in your introduction. For instance, you might consider whether intelligence and native ability are important qualities. What about personality traits? Overall attitude? Do these three things connect? If so, how? So if you are just writing to improve generally, then you might as well aim at the highest level, and try writing a more detailed essay, I suppose.




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